I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
