i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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