I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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