Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
