I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
