boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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