Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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