Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
