I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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