this boner is exhausting
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
