I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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