Betty ford says i'm here all night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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