I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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