She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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