Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
