# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
