dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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