just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
