I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
