I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What did we do last night that was yellow?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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