I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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