OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
