She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
