One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
