Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
