I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
