Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
