Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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