The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So vagazzling was a success
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
