who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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