your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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