So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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