census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
