Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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