Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
