i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
