There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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