You can't special order awesome
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
