OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
