I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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