Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He felt like a one man threesome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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