Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
