Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
