Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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