I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
