last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
