how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
