Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
