Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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