Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
